Taken last fall

I remember when I was 14, I couldn't pick a favorite season. Every season I associated with some sort of puppy love: autumn with the beginning of the school year and a fresh chance with my crush du jour (or perhaps a new crush?), winter with its snowfall and opportunities for a snowball fight with my crush, spring because spring always brought a little magic and unexpected turns of events. Summer was reprieve from the constant self-consciousness, the wondering of what he was thinking, though the internet meant he was never far. Without the connection to food back then, I was already so tightly bound to nature and the seasons, and I didn't even realize it.

Nowadays, love doesn't come so easily to me, so I have to just grin and bear it through the unpleasant extremes. And autumn has settled into its place as my favorite season -- its reciprocate, spring, is unpredictable in both temperature and precipitation (be it rain or snow). The turn of summer to autumn in New York City is usually dry, usually mild, usually sunny, and always colorful.

Autumn seems to come earlier and earlier every year, but so does summer. Just over a week ago, there was a torrential rainstorm, with a couple dashes of thunder. Afterwards, the humidity lifted from the city and autumn air seemed to rush in to take its place. It's been cool since, the summer no longer unbearable in the way New York City summers are usually remembered.

This year, however, I am met with an unease about the coming of autumn. Perhaps my travels this year have tampered a little with my circadian rhythms ... Taiwan had two seasons (rainy and unbearably hot), I went from spring to winter in Australia and New Zealand, and soon after, I returned to a cooling New York. I don't want summer, but I'm not ready for fall -- stuck in an in-between, as usual!

It's a little bittersweet: as our temperatures cool, Sydney (where I've left part of my heart) is warming up to early summer temperatures, by NYC standards. It's an odd feeling of being left behind, or moving forward without someone, or just missing out. Completely selfish and inexplicable, but it's there.

I'm otherwise jumping headfirst into autumn with my love of all things pumpkin ... after all, colors and crispy air aside, my favorite thing about autumn is the food. And if you have a Dunkin Donuts near you, go get yourself a pumpkin donut, stat!